With the summer weather arriving, I have been away from the blogs for some time. The last time I wrote anything was for Earth Day, (and I cheated by using sections of my old material.) After being stuck indoors for much of 4 months during the winter, it is great to get out and do some stuff.
But, we have bad weather hitting the area this week, so here I am; back inside the house.
So much has happened since my last blog: The BP oil spill, the Times Square bomber, the new Arizona law, the floods near Nashville; and I did not know that you cannot wear red, white, and blue during Cinco de Mayo. I had never heard that before. I know that women are not supposed to wear white before Easter, but I had never heard anything about a new rule of not wearing the American colors during Cinco de Mayo.
But that is progress. Being progressive means that things change so FAST that you do not even know that the rules have change, until you are arrested for breaking that new rule.
But take heart my friends, we are all in this together because we are all- Americans. (Well, except if you are from Italy, or Germany, or some Asian country. You poor bastards will have to follow the laws of the land, or end up in jail. However, if you are of Hispanic descent; you don’t have to worry about our silly little laws, do as you please.)
Yet, there is news that should make everyone happy…
President Obama has picked a new Supreme Court nominee to replace a tired old White guy. Obama picked the current US Solicitor General- Elena Kagan.
You ask- what are Elena Kagan’s qualifications for being America’s TOP judge:
Kagan has been a judge for many years? (No, she has never tried a case.)
Kagan has been a lawyer for many years? (No, she has never tried a case.)
Kagan has walked into a room filled with REAL judges and handed them information about current legal cases? (Yes, that is her current job.)
Kagan went to college? (Yes, a whole bunch of colleges, BIG colleges that have $$$ signs in their names.)
Kagan did work with TOP judge Thurgood Marshall, who called Kagan- “Shorty.” (Not to be confused with “Shawty”- which means- “good looking girl.”) However, the word “Shorty” could also mean- “good looking girl.”
However, this was the 1970’s and Thurgood Marshall probably meant that she was not tall.
One of Kagan’s main qualifiers to be a Supreme Court Justice is that she personally knows Barack Obama. Which is bonus if you want to be America’s TOP judge and you have never been a judge before, or even tried a case.
But by far, the main reason Kagan will be our next TOP judge is because the Supreme Court has it’s quota of testicles.
Now, when I was a young man, we were taught to not look at a persons skin color or gender, when judging a person. You should judge a person by the content of their character, not by the color of their skin (or gender.)
Today, we pick a Supreme Court nominee like you would pick a puppy. First you look at their color, then you pick them up, flip them over on their backs, and look between their legs.
I have no problem in nominating another woman to the Supreme Court, have at it. But shouldn’t this person be the BEST person for the job, regardless of what is between their legs, or the color of their skin?
Soon, you could hear a knock at your door from a friendly Census worker. Most of the 635,000 Census workers are great people, they are your friends and neighbors. However, a few Census workers are evil. A woman in Indiana was raped by a census worker, and a family in Texas was held hostage for 4 hours by 3 guys who said that they worked for the census. The ordeal ended with one family member being killed by the 3 “so-called” census workers.
The Obama administration has come up with a way to make this census visit safer:
All Census workers will be wearing a blue badge: (which would be impossible for a crook to copy.)
All official Census workers will have a black bag with the words: “US Census Worker” written in white ink on the front. (Again, impossible for a crook to duplicate, because bad people do not have the technology to copy this.)
All US Census Workers will carry “papers” on them. So you can ask the Census Worker for “their papers.” NOTE- if the Census Worker looks Hispanic, you might not want to ask them for “their papers”. (It’s a sore spot right now with Hispanics, liberals, and progressives.)
And, all official US Census Workers will only ask these questions:
Question 1- How many people live here? (1) (2) (3) (50) (not sure, what day is it?) (No one)
Question 2- What is the color of your skin: (White), (off-White), (Lilly White), (Dark), (Hispanic)- NOTE- if you are Hispanic you do not have to answer this question. You do not have to be counted like the rest of us. And you can tell the census worker to go away, if you like.
Question 3- Why is President Obama so great? (Answers) Because he went to college, Because he can speak in full sentences, Because of his audacity; (Audacity- Obama’s ability to let OTHER PEOPLE take huge risks, while he talks about it).
Question 4- what color is your underwear.
Question 5- List 3 reasons why you WILL vote for Barack Obama again.
If a person shows up at your door and they DO NOT have a black bag, a blue badge, and they ask any other questions than the ones listed above, be cautious.
GOOD NEWS- the government has passed the “Cash for Cockers” program. Similar to the “cash for clunkers” program for trading in old cars, “cash for cockers” allows you to bring in an old cocker spaniel dog that eats too much food and is gassy, and trade that dog in for a new puppy. (Unless “cash for cockers” has some kind of pornographic meaning that I am not aware of..??)
Oh..wait.. I have that wrong. It is- “cash for caulkers.” The US government has set aside 6 billion dollars so you can go out and buy a $4 dollar tube of caulking and put it around your windows. ($6 billion dollars worth of caulking, about the same amount of money that we bitched, pissed, and moaned about because we are sending that amount to help save the country of Greece.)
However, the 6 billion dollars is not just for caulking, (which would make 3m, GE, and other BIG companies very happy) “cash for caulkers” also allows you to take your perfectly good water heater and toss it out to the curb and buy another NEW water heater. (Maybe we should box up our old water heaters and send them to Greece. We could kill 2 birds with one stone.)
Speaking of killing birds…
The BP oil spill is- what it is: a tragedy. No one wants to see birds covered in oil, struggling to survive. Seems to me, we need to fix what went wrong here, but the pundits are blaming each other.
Progressives blame BP and the oil industry in general. (They do not blame themselves for using oil based products, nor are they willing to conserve oil based products on their own, using their own “free” will. They want the government to FORCE restrictions on all of us, like some S & M bondage type thing.)
Republicans blame a slow response by the Obama Administration. (Yet, republicans still say that they want less government involvement in our lives and business.)
Hey, I can understand the “blame game”, I really can. Republicans are pissed because the liberals blamed a slow response by President Bush to Hurricane Katrina and the amount of destruction there, so why not blame President Obama for this?
I can also understand why environmentalists and progressive would take advantage of this situation and claim that the BP oil spill is PROOF that we need Cap and Trade laws, no off-shore drilling, Green jobs, etc.
However, playing the blame game is for political purpose. It is taking a tragedy and using it for political gain. But that will not fix the problem.
What really went wrong…
You mean to tell me that an oil rig only has one or two ways to shut down the flow of oil in an emergency..?? You got to be freaking kidding me..??
I mean, I am no mechanical engineer, but come on..??
Let me put this into perspective…
A restaurant electric french fryer has about 4 ways to shut it down in an emergency. If the food deep fryer blows up or catches fire, you could shut it down at the power switch, OR- run to the electrical panel box and shut the breaker off, OR- the fryer has a mechanical switch that will shut itself off if the fryer get too hot, OR- hanging above the fryer is a fire suppression system that will spray a fire retardant unto the fryer if it gets too hot.
That is a stupid french fry cooker in a restaurant, and it has 4 ways to shut it down for safety. Yet, an oil rig only has 1 or 2 ways to shut down the flow of oil..??
Seriously, the Obama Administration needs to get on this right now. All future oil rigs, (and if possible: all existing rigs) should have a type of “flow restrictor / high volume shut off” on them. If the flow of oil becomes too great, the flow restrictor shuts down the pipe and must be reset by robotic sub. This “flow restrictor / high volume shut off” MUST be mechanical, it cannot rely on electricity. (Because, if the oil rig blows up, you will lose electricity.)
We have to fix what went wrong instead of blaming each other.
Our economy is based on oil. Like it or not, for better or worse; oil is the “engine” that drives our progress. From the cars that we drive, to the oil that is used to make the plastic parts in our computers; oil is everywhere.
The Angry Republic has always been an advocate for America to break away from relying on foreign oil supplies. To us, it has always been a matter of national security. It is dangerous to rely on others for your basic needs.
If becoming energy independent means adding windmills and solar panels to the American power system, so be it. But we are realistic enough to understand that you cannot replace oil, as the American engine, over night. Until a new source is found that delivers the power and the low cost that oil provides, we must utilize the oil that we have in America.
Today, that means building a safer oil rig, while exploring bio- fuels, wind mills, and solar panels.
SHOCKER- MSNBC reports- POLL, most Americans support oil drilling and the Arizona law. (The “shocker” part is the fact that MSNBC reported this.)
Hey, I just saw a documentary that claimed that the Moon has enough hydrogen to solve all of our energy problems. One shuttle- load of the Moon’s hydrogen could power New York City for one year.
Oh crap, that’s right…
We decided to drop the US shuttle program and scrap going back to the moon.
Oh well, you will have to excuse me. I need to cash in on the 6 billion dollar “cash for caulkers” program.
I need to find a good salesperson to sell me my caulk.
I think I will use the same method that we use to pick a Supreme Court Justice: I will first look at their skin color; then I will put the salesperson on their back and look between their legs.
Written by AR Babonie for The Angry Republic