The NEW (and improved)- Bill of Rights

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Is everything today, negative..??

Just look at these recent news stories…

Late Friday evening, Speaker of the House- Nancy Pelosi announced that the Public Option is DEAD for the Health Bill.

New York City is contemplating whether to ban table salt from all city restaurants. Many of us Americans are still in withdrawal from the banning of trans-fats in restaurants. (There’s nothing better than a “freedom fry” cooked in synthetic lard. What’s that big deal? There is a hospital around each corner, chuck full of artery stints.)

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Texas, (our last hope of freedom) has removed Thomas Jefferson as a teaching standard in school books. And, to throw a little salt into the wound, (salt, that New York City might be banning) Texas schools will no longer refer to the USA as having a “capitalistic system”, (it’s just too negative.) From now on, Texas school books will call America’s economic system- “free enterprise.” (FREE..?? Try opening a business. There is nothing “FREE” about the enterprise system in America. Capitalism is the better word.) However, the Texas school system has decided to add education on Judeo- Christian influences on the founding fathers. (That should piss progressives off, if nothing else?)

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There is talk about the government wanting to end recreational fishing (and commercial fishing) in American waters. Shoreline waters and inland waters; including the Great Lakes, might no longer allow recreational fishing.

And if many global warming people had their way, you would be told what size car you can drive, how warm (or cool) you could keep your house, what you can eat, and when you are legally allowed to pass gas.

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Yes folks, I know…

It would seem that this time in which we live in is filled with negative ideas.

How can anyone be happy upon hearing about all the things that they can NO LONGER do..??

However, there is HOPE in all this CHANGE.

You might remember Barack Obama talking about the Bill of Rights when he was running for president? Remember Obama explaining how the Bill of Rights is a negative document, filled with stuff that people CANNOT do.

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President Obama has talked about the need for a NEW Bill of Rights which would be positive. This new Bill of Rights would talk about all the things that you have a “Right to do.”

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Well, here at The Angry Republic, we have inside people who got a hold of a draft copy of the NEW Bill of Rights, and I would like to share it with you, today.

(This is so exciting..!! I love having an exclusive..!!)

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The NEW American Bill of Rights

Article 1

You have the right to other people’s “stuff.”

Life is unfair, and some people have MORE “stuff” than you do. To make life more fair, you now have the right to take your neighbor’s stuff. (NOTE) The framers of this Bill had thought about allowing you to go to your neighbor’s house and take the stuff that you feel that you deserve. However, it would be difficult to tell who is a thief, and who is exercising their constitutional right to take “stuff.” Therefore, we will continue with the current taxation system that is in place. (ALSO NOTE) If you look around your neighborhood and you have MORE STUFF than your neighbors do, then you are excluded from this Right.

Article 2

You have the Right to have free health insurance.

(NOTE) You do NOT have a right to FREE Health Insurance if we (the government) believe that you make too much money, or we do not like you, or some glitch takes place in the government computer system.

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Article 3

(NOTE) Article 3 is being left blank at this time. In the future, when democrats need votes to win an election, they will suggest that “Americans have a Right to FREE food.” Democrats will tell Americans that 100,000 people die everyday because they didn’t have FREE government food. When gullible Americans elect the democrats, Article 3 will be offered. FREE government food.

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Article 4

(NOTE) Article 4 is being left blank at this time. Future democrats will need a way to win elections. Democrats will tell people that every American “has a Right to FREE housing.” Then, after you have elected the democrats, they will spend several years fighting with each other over the details of Article 4, (just like with the current Health Care Bill) and some piss-poor, watered down version will appear here, in the future.

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Article 5

You have the Right to have pride.

Every American has a right to be proud. If a person says anything that makes you “feel bad” about yourself, that person will be jailed for one year. During incarceration, the “pride killing” criminal will be subjected to sensibility counseling and forced to watch the movie: “All about Steve”, featuring Sandra Bullock. (NOTE) Article 5 does not end free speech in America. However, if you choose to use free speech, you could go to jail, IF; any other person “feels bad” after you spoke, and; providing that they have a better lawyer than you do.

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Article 6

You have a Right to work.

It is unfair that some people have a job and others do not. It is unfair that some people have better jobs, and other people cook hamburgers. By taking down everyone from those “high levels” in employment, we can make the bottom level jobs seem better than what they actually are.

People will “feel” better.

With the health care bill, we can attack doctors and nurse’s paychecks and lower them under the guise of “saving the taxpayer’s money”, or we will call it: “health reform.” We have already gone after business executive’s high pay using guilt and high taxation. The rest of you “high earners”, we are coming for you. (NOTE) Article 6 does not include lawyers and people working in Hollywood. Since you folks usually vote democrat, you are free to earn as much as you like.

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(ALSO NOTE) Article 6 only applies to people who “want to work.” If you do not want to work, stay home and refer to Articles 1, 2, 3, 4, and 8.

Article 7

You have a Right to win.

Everyone wants to win.

Unfortunately, most of you poor bastards will spend your entire life losing. You will lose at the casino, and you will never win a lottery. Your luck will not be any better with sports, you will lose races, football games, tennis; you will lose virtually everything that you hold dear in life.

This is a sad prospect, and it makes one wonder why you poor bastards keep breathing?

To counter this emotion, the government will enact the National Lottery.

The “National Lottery” is free to everyone who is standing within the USA borders, and everyone will win- something.

To be entered into the National Lottery, all you have to do is show up at any of the thousands of National Lottery locations and allow us to implant a small tracking.. (aaahh, computer chip) into your skull. This computer chip is completely harmless, and bears the markings of 666 on it’s cover. This computer chip will allow the government to find you and give you your lottery prize when you win, and the government will be able to track where you go, who you hang around with, and what type of “stuff” that you are reading. (For your own safety.)

Every minute, 8 people will win a lottery prize. This means that within 70 years, everyone in America will win this lottery. So you will be a winner, eventually. (NOTE) if you die early in life, you might not win the lottery, in which case you will probably not care about this lottery; being that you are dead.)

Prizes range from a potato peeler, to an autographed copy of President Obama’s new book: “The Greatest President EVER”.

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Or you could win an all expense paid trip (for one) to Intercourse Pennsylvania, the heart of Amish Country.

Article 8

You have the Right to sit in your house and keep your f**king mouth shout.

Let face it, every time that you leave your house, you cause the streets to be over crowded, you pollute the earth, and you are always demanding things like “Rights.”

It would be much better for everyone if you would just stay home.

Article 8 states that you have the right to stay home and isolate yourself, cutting yourself off from the rest of society as a whole. The government will take care of (food, clothing, shelter) anyone who chooses to exercise their constitutional rights under Article 8. However, if you venture outside of your house, or make contact with anyone; you will lose your Article 8 rights. (NOTE) Article 8 does not apply to lawyers, democrat politicians, or Hollywood celebrities; who are free to roam around the planet and speak their minds.

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Article 9

You have the Right to be right.

Even a broken clock is right twice a day. You should also have the same rights as a broken clock.

Every American will have two chances to be right, no matter how wrong they are. Facts be dammed, the truth is unimportant. You will be right- twice. However, once you have used up your two “rights”, you will go back to being wrong. (NOTE) Hollywood Actors, lawyers, and Labor Union leaders are excluded from Article 9, because they donate millions of dollars to the Democrat Party.

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This concludes the NEW Bill of Rights. (That is, until the 2012 election, when democrats will need to get your vote. God only knows how many MORE Rights may be added to this Bill of Rights if democrats are trailing in the 2012 election.)

Written by AR Babonie for The Angry Republic

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If one person has a RIGHT to something he did not earn, of necessity it requires that another person not have a right to something that he did earn.

True rights, such as those in our Constitution, or those considered to be natural or human rights, exist simultaneously among people. That means exercise of a right by one person does not diminish those held by another. In other words, my rights to speech or travel impose no obligations on another except those of non-interference.

For Congress to guarantee a right to health care, or any other good or service, whether a person can afford it or not, it must diminish someone else’s rights, namely their rights to their earnings.

Walter E. Williams
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Thanks for reading

The Angry Republic

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