President Obama and his new Naked Machine

Christmas Day: An evil terrorist tries to blow up an airliner using his underwear. He becomes known as the “crotch bomber” or “The Christmas Underwear Bomber.”


Luckily, the government system WORKS great. The evil terrorists is caught before he can blow up the plane. President Obama has had 11 months to beef up the government system, and fine tune airport security to work like a well oiled machine. The terrorist didn’t stand a chance against President Obama and his new government…

WHAT..?? The system DIDN’T work because the terrorist got on the plane and did ignite the explosive..??

Well, of course the system didn’t work right. It was George Bush who created this system. That is why it failed. President Obama has ONLY had 11 months on this job. How could he ever have the time to “change” anything.

However, by New Year’s Day…



America has a NEW airport security system that should cause everyone to feel safe to fly.

President Obama is working on a new device that WILL stop all future terrorist attacks, such as the “Christmas Underwear Bomber.”


This new device that Obama is working on can see underneath your clothes. When you stand in front of this machine that Obama is putting at some airports, you look naked.


Since the induction of President Obama’s “naked machine”, applications for security jobs at airports have doubled. Government officials are surprised that so many men have become interested in airport security: as an occupation.

All of these new applicants seem to request running the “naked machine,” government officials are NOT sure why..??


It makes me proud to know that my fellow men will dedicate their life using the “naked machine” to find terrorists.

No longer will terrorists be able to strap an explosive filled balloon to their leg and sneak through airport security. Obama’s “naked machine” will be able to see this explosive strapped to their leg, or hidden in their underwear.

Unfortunately, the terrorists try to stay one step ahead of the technology.


Terrorist, to out- wit President Obama’s “naked machine”, have come up with the: “hollowed- out rubber penis fulled with explosives” bomb.

What the terrorists do is; they take the “rubber penis bomb” and they glue it to their “private area.”

When President Obama uses his “naked machine” on the terrorists, the “rubber penis bomb” looks like a normal private area of a man.

(NOTE) The “rubber penis bomb” doesn’t seem to work very well for FEMALE terrorists. Every female terrorist who has tried to use the “rubber penis bomb” was spotted by alert airport security workers, using President Obama’s “naked machine.”


However, the terrorists have one “small” problem…

The “rubber penis bomb” has to be rather big to fit enough explosives to take down a jet aircraft.

And, of course, everyone knows that a terrorist does not have large penis. Eagle eyed airport security workers should be able to spot a terrorist with a large penis. (Because, what man would kill himself in a suicide bombing if he had a large…) Aaahh, forget it.

However, as we speak; terrorists are working on a “micro- penis bomb” that packs enough explosives, yet will appear more anatomically correct.

To try and stop the “rubber penis bomb”, the TSA has instituted a new rule:

“One hour before a plane lands at an airport; no passenger will be allowed to have a blanket over his (or her) lap, with their hands under the blanket, playing with something that is between their legs.”

President Obama has this whole situation under control. You should feel safe to fly.

Obama’s “naked machine” should stop all “would be” terrorists, like the “crotch bomber”, or the “cabbage bomber”.

However, if a terrorist is using a “rubber penis bomb”, and he gets by Obama’s “naked machine”; the terrorist will no longer be able to handle his penis bomb one hour before landing.

This doesn’t mean that YOU, the passenger, is free to zone out. On the contrary; you MUST remain vigilant. If you see a fellow passenger with a blanket over their lap, and it looks like they are playing with something between their legs; you should take action.

Hey, I see a trend here…

Have you noticed that every time a democrat is in the White House, the conversation turns sexual..??

We went through 8 years of George Bush and their was NOTHING sexual about that.

With 8 years of democrat- Bill Clinton, we had semen stained dresses, sexual cigars, and sex with interns.

But with 8 years of republican Ronald Reagan, he was more like a grandfather who forgot where he put the car keys.

However, with democrat JFK, we had Marilyn Monroe. (Need I say more?)

Today, we have another democrat in The White House: Barack Obama, and we have “naked machines” and “rubber penis bombs.”

What’s up with that..??

Anyway, Americans should “again” feel safe to fly, knowing that a professional team of airport security can see your naked bodies.


With guys like these watching over Obama’s “naked machine”, you have nothing to worry about. They are trained to spot a “rubber penis bomb.”

Written by AR Babonie for The Angry Republic




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